ever after
by Penultima
Summary: Because only stories about princesses and knights in armor can end happily ever after. Twotime saviors of the world don't count. Tifa and Cloud didn't count. But if even Cloud can't get a happy ending then none of us ever will [Yuffie POV] Cloud breakdown
1. ever after

**-ever after.  
**penultima

**

* * *

**

Cloud and company come together.

Flowergirl dies and Cloud and company mourn.

Cloud and company save the world from Meteor.

Cloud and company (_company and maybe Cloud_) live happy.

Cloud mysteriously disappears from company's lives.

Cloud apparently had some odd disease.

New threat (_guess what? Silver hair and mean mean eyes wrapped in leather with cold sharp blades that tore clean through our lives_) appears.

Cloud and company save the world from Reunion.

Cloud is forgiven.

Cloud and company live happily ever after.

**Not.**

Because no matter what people tell you, wounds don't heal that fast.

Aerith died and went to Cetra heaven. Barret got a hold of a few million barrels of oil and got filthy rich. Cid got a hold of a new ship and zoomed around everywhere. Vincent goes and gloomifies that cave he won't let us come in to and everyone lives happily ever after.

Caith Sith isn't included because he's Reeve, and Reeve hasn't found his happy ending yet, with the World Reeve Organization or something of the like, but might soon.

Yuffie isn't included because while narrating this pointless ramble she won't find peace.

Tifa isn't included because she's still taking care of a sick Marlene and tending to a sick, bruised heart and Mr. Cloudy Spike Muscle-headed Chocobo Strife is still too wounded himself to help her out. It's sad.

Not sad as in heartbreakingly sad or upsettingly sad.

A bit of both maybe, but most of all it's the kind of sad people go tsk-tsk-what-a-shame on. So yeah, tsk-tsk, what a shame.

What a rotten, spiteful, heart-wrecking, rust-bitter, blood-sticky _shame_.

I pictured Cloud and Tifa as people who would end up as a picture-perfect couple with a nice wedding and Marlene and Denzel starring as The Kids. Pictured them happy and smiling at each other and content with each other and kissing every now and then and just _happy_ simply because they deserve to be.

Fairy tale heroes get fairy tale endings. It's just that Cloud was no prince in shining armor and Tifa wasn't a princess. It would be a whole different thing if they were.(_but I can't imagine Cloud who sits and doesn't put his feet on the table or hold cussing contests with Cid Hacking-Lung, Foul-mouth Highsmokewind._)

Cloud was a current delivery man who grew up as a scrawny kid who got kicked out of his village because they thought he pushed Tifa off a cliff and grew up and went into the army and didn't get accepted into SOLDIER and killed General Shampoo-Advertisement-Hair Sephiroth whose last name might be Crescent or Shin-ra or Valentine(_shiver_) and spent five full years having Mako stuffed down his throat.

Tifa was a bartender who grew up as a kid who made Cloud promise he'd get her out of any pinch, fell off a cliff, challenged Sephiroth and met Cloud again and together they saved the world and then they were happy a little while before Cloud left and then a trio of General advertisement-hair Sephiroth wanna-bes got pulped before Cloud forgave himself. People sort of thought that would be that and Cloud and Tifa could live happily ever after.

Happily ever after.

Ever after.

Ever. After.

I've said it so many times the phrase has lost it's wonderful, fairy tale-ish, giggly girly meaning and has been stripped to its meaningless reality of bunched-up vowels and unvowely letters.


	2. monsters at midnight

Cloud is unbelievably paranoid. That's why if someone tries to crack a joke about the Sector's walls and ground collapsing in front of him, either Tifa or Barret jump on-scene and pulverize the guy. Cloud would take it seriously and go to Reeve or Rufus or Reno or Rude and demand that they check that the sector's walls won't collapse.

So when he asks Sephiroth to shut up and stay in memory and he says he won't, Cloud takes him seriously.

So every freaking night Tifa gets out of bed and tip-toes across the hall and leans against his door and listens to him muttering to himself and hyperventilating and freaking his chocobo-ey muscle-head off. Sometimes the door is open a bit and she can see him rocking in his bed muttering to himself like a madman pleading please please pretty please with cherry on top for Sephiroth to stop bugging him.

Every freaking night Tifa goes back to bed and lies awake and she swears she can hear sobbing, and it's not Marlene or Denzel or whatever other kid Tifa has stashed in the building. She found some sleeping pills in his drawer while cleaning his room out and left it there because otherwise he would never get any peace. She put it back where it was and closed the drawer and somewhere in her head someone was screaming at her to _do_ something and help him out.

No one suggests it, but everyone is thinking we should ring Rufus up and have him load Cloud off to the best, most expensive loony-bin available so Cloud can go crazy in peace.

Barret and Cid and Vincent and the Great, Sexy, Overly Narcisstic Ninja Yuffie take turns visiting Tifa and Cloud every two or three days just to make sure he still acts sane. No, cross that out—to watch out for signs that he's cracking, just so we can plonk him into a loony bin. No one says it, but we all know if Tifa can't help him, no shrink with a certificate can. _I_ could prescribe some anti-depressants for him and give him some tissues. But I lack the certificate and the crooked back and sympathetic look on my face so I won't ever pass for a shrink. Thank goodness.

I stayed over at Tifa n Cloud's one time.

The night was full of the hushed creaking of the floorboards, the feverish mutterings of a haunted hero and the echoing sobs of an unnamed madman.


	3. ignorance

_A new chapter. :) Sorry it's been long since I updated this, but I hope you'll forgive me. I'll be putting up the next chapter soon. It's done but I have to go because I'm actually putting this up in a rush. :P Enjoy:) ...or not. (kind of hard to enjoy Cloud breaking down... but oh well. )_

A week ago Vincent did the unthinkable and suggested we get Cloud to visit a shrink. A psychologist, he called 'em. We were all over at Tifa's hanging around while Cloud was delivering something off, and the room fell _silent._

Tifa went all tense and we expected her to blow up and kick Vincent along with his blood-red GothDude cape out of the bar into oblivion. Vincent said something about no one being able to protest and saythat Cloud didn't need help. I thought Cloud needed to be dropped off at the loony bin so we would have reason to get angry at Sephiroth and the other shampoo-advertisement people because the only contact with him we'll get is through a glass wall. Right now we're stuck at an in-between because Cloud keeps saying he's okay and no one says anything. I half-applauded Vincent but still think we should immediately put him in the loony bin.

Tifa wiped a clean glass with dirty cloth and said something about Cloud needing his peace. I almost added that she needed her peace but caught myself just in time. Cid shook his head and said some choice R-rated words while Barret picked at his puffy vest. Vincent looked straight at Tifa and said "whatever suits you" and all hell broke loose.

"What are you trying to say?" Tifa snapped. All serious and upset because if Cloud thought he was sane then she thought so too. Cloud is too fragile to be fixed. No one here studied Cloud 101 at college, or went to college, for that matter.

I picture Cloud as a handphone or a music box with a label that says only experienced people should handle.

fragile parts.

That's why no matter how broken and worn down he is, none of us have ever tried to fix him up because he might collapse and we'd never have him again.

"I'm trying to say he needs professional help. Nothing we can give him will make him feel better." Vincent replied. All vampire and cold and serious and authority-ous-like and you could tell he meant well. I wanted to agree or disagree, but neither option would have pleased any of us, so I stayed quiet and watched the ensuing drama.

"Well what good can a shrink do for him?"

"A _psychologist_. Tell us what's wrong, perhaps? Give him some medication."

"What's wrong? Are you kidding me? We _know_ what's wrong, just that we can't make it right. We could go to the drugstore and get him some anti-depressants if you want. Not like Spike'll take it." Barret came into the discussion.

"We've done all there _is_ to do. What we have left to do now is wait. Time heals wounds." Tifa was quieter and less angry but even more upset.

Cid said Vincent was right and even Tifa needed her sleep because we all knew that Cloud has been keeping her up every night. Cid said that, plus a few more words I won't say for the sake of my own non-existent purity of mind. Bleh.

They fight and I remember saying Tiffers does need her sleep and actually suggesting we put him in the loony bin. We didn't notice the door open, but we heard it slam closed and watched from the windows as Cloud kick-started his bike and sped out of sight.

Tifa got real pissed and we left. I'm betting Cloud must have felt awful, though I don't know what he'd think.

Yesterday I went to Tifa's place since the incident and we pretended nothing had happened.

Ignorance is bliss.


	4. the beginning

Marlene and Denzel were at Barret's place when I came over because I wanted to bother him so he'd bribe me to leave with an armful of goodies ranging from accessories to sweets to cash. No such luck. He was too happy to see Marlene again so even my rabid chattering didn't bug him. Grr.

I asked Marlene and Denzel why they were there and they were quiet. Then Barret called out from the kitchen with cookies and they ran as fast as their little kid legs would carry them. I know I asked the right question, to the wrong people. So I hitched a ride to Sector 7 Midgar and 'dropped by' to see Tifa 'n Cloud and how they were doing.

The door was unlocked but the bar was empty except for this mean-looking guy who said there were no drinks there that day. Tim or Tom or Tony was house-sitting because Tifa had _pressing_ matters to attend to. Tim/Tom/Tony gave me directions for the World Reeve-toration Organization headquarters and I skip out the door and grab a ride there.

The guard at the gate salutes when he sees me and I note that the WRO respects me now. He told me I might be expected because 'Miss Tifa' was at the verge of some kind of breakdown when she got here. I get in and spend hours getting lost and wondering what the heck could destroy the woman who not even Sephiroth could bring to tears.

When I get to what I think is the right door, someone is crying on the other side and someone else murmurs comfortingly.

I picture Tifa and Cloud as the picture perfect couple. Can't they at least be ignorantly happy? If there's no hope for that either, what will happen?


	5. 5: little boy blue in the rocking chair

For some reason Barret and Cid and Vincent are already there when I open the door. There is no sobbing or murmurs of comfort because I went in the wrong door and found an old woman telling a sob-story about how run-down her neighborhood is after Cloud's last fight. I find the right room five doors later. Some kind of lab or infirmary. It reminds me of a loony bin, but I decide not to say anything.

Barret is fiddling with his fluffy vest and Vincent GothDude Valentine is leaning on the wall and Cid is on one of the only four chairs in the room. Denzel and Marlene share another chair and Rufus is on a plush and cushioned recliner thingy with the Turks gathered by him like little hatchling chicks around a mother hen. A serious-looking doctor stands by the wall. Tifa is leaning over Cloud and Cloud is sitting in the last chair.

A _wheel_chair.

Cloud is in a wheelchair and my mind finally manages to respond. _This is wrong._

Cloud is strong and able and stands tall and zooms on the newly made highways at a kazillion miles an hour on his bike.

Cloud was strong and able and stood tall and zoomed on the highways at a kazillion miles an hour on his bike.

Past tense makes it sound so different.

Barret's face is scrunched up with some sickening mix of worry and fidgety-ness and I can almost see text scrolling across his face. _It wasn't supposed to be this way._ Cid is pumping enough smoke to turn _my_ lungs black as a passive smoker and it shrouds his already stormy expression in a hazy smog. Vincent's face is icy and betrays no emotion. I can tell from the way he drums his clawed fingers that he's agitated.

Rufus catches my gaze and gestures very pointedly at Tifa with his eyes. Tseng clears his throat lightly, Elena looks away sympathetically, Reno blows his bangs out of his eyes and Rude shifts his feet. Before I know it I'm standing in front of Cloud's wheelchair while Tifa bends over him, talking softly like you would to a sick person.

I have time to think Cloud broke his leg or dislocated an ankle but his legs and feet look okay. There are no bandages on him so I almost think Tifa forced him into the wheelchair because she's so overprotective.

Then I see his face and something just feels terribly wrong even though I can't place it. The Great Ninja Yuffie struggles to see what's wrong. Bite lip nervous twitch twitch run eyes over Cloud and then I finally see what's wrong.

His chest expands and falls gently as he breathes. In the silence of the room I almost swear I can hear his heartbeat. Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter. His face is fixed in some kind of stoned expression. Frozen. He blinks every now and then. Very slowly. I almost check my watch to make sure time is going at the right pace.

He blinks once, twice, thrice. I watch him blink but he doesn't see me. In the background I hear Tifa talking to him like he can hear her. Before I realise it I am sitting on the floor with my hands under my head on his lap. His legs are warm and I half-expect him to shove me off. I imagine Barret and Cid and Vincent looking surprised because Yuffie doesn't act this way.

Yuffie laughed and said hee hee hee like a demented doll when Aerith died because she couldn't say anything else. Now she lays her head on Cloud's lap and tried to remember what it was that made everything go bad. What sort of little problem brought down a big man.

Big Cloudie Spike who means a lot to everybody. Because it's Cloud and company and not Yuffie and company, or Cid and company, no matter how much we want it to change.

Because it's Cloud and family. Cloud and Tifa and Marlene and Denzel. Because Tifa and Marlene and Denzel made me think of widows with children and no husbands and Tifa wasn't even married.

I imagine Cloud and Tifa getting married and myself throwing the most rice at them just because I want to see what they look like with rice all over them. I imagine being GREAT Auntie Yuffie to Marlene and Denzel and whatever kids they might have.

If Cloud can't get his happy ending it means none of us ever will.

If Cloud couldn't get his happy ending it meant none of us ever would.

How come past tense makes no difference now?


End file.
